Before I became a stay at home momma I worked full time as a hospital administrator AND taught college classes AND ran a nutritional business. My husband was in residency which meant that he was away more than he was home. We also had 6 kids. Thinking back to those years kind of impressed at myself for doing all of that, because it was a lot! It also makes me appreciate being home with my kids even more because of all the sacrifices we made during those years.

I was grateful to work at a place that understood a work/family balance. There were seldom school events that I had to miss because of work. But, I remember always feeling guilty for not being at work if I was home and always feeling like I should be at home if I was at work. I felt like I was not doing a good job in any area of my life. My kids were healthy and happy and my husband assured me I was amazing, but I still felt like I needed to do better in all areas of my life. It was exhausting.

At one point I changed my work schedule so that I worked 4 days a week leaving the house at 4:30am working 10 hour days so that I would get home early enough to see my kids before bed and be home with them every Friday. During my busy day at work I would set reminders to pump milk for my baby a few times a day. When I got a break I would make a grocery list or make phone calls for checkups, dentist appointments, etc. I thought of my kids and what they were doing all day. I missed them so much when I was at work. Sometimes I would look at pictures of them in my office and try not to tear up.

We were so fortunate to leave the kids with their grandparents while we were at work, but even so it was such a unnatural feeling to leave a baby after maternity leave ended. I enjoyed working and being around intelligent adults all day and I actually thought I may miss working after I became a stay at home mom. There are parts of working that I loved so much and miss a little.

Today my days blend together and I am not sure if it is Tuesday or Thursday most of the time. My days start early and are long and I am usually have spit up on my shirt. I talk gibberish to little people who argue with me. I make meals and clean up meals and do that over and over again. I am paid in hugs and scribble cards. My days look very different from my previous life as an hospital administrator.

I often think of the mommas who are working during the week. I sometimes even think of how that would feel to be a working mom again. I cannot wrap my head around it or fathom that I ever was able to do it now that I have been home for a few years. I know how it feels to run a household and keep everyone clothed and fed and on schedule- and simultaneously think about work. It is so much.

I know what it is like to lay in bed at night with a million things running through your head about the next day. I know the struggle of trying to decide if you should miss an important meeting or miss a field trip, because you can’t be at both. I know the exhaustion that comes after a full day of work only to be met with children who expect you to find more energy for them- and somehow you do. I know the feeling of thinking you are not doing enough at home or at work- but you are. It is so hard to be a working mom. I understand and I see you, momma.

And you know what? The little people that you are working so hard for- they see you too. They know that you are working day in and day out for them and when they grow up they will know the sacrifices that you made for them and they will appreciate you so much. I still remember my mom showing up to my school events in her work clothes and kissing me and telling me I did a good job before heading back to work. Working moms are amazing. You are seriously doing it all.

Looking back at my days as a working mom from my perspective as a stay at home mom now the main thing I would say to you is that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are killing it at home. You are killing it at work. You don’t think you are- but you are. You are waking up and showing up and giving it your all both at home and at work. Your kids are happy. Your work is getting done- and the work that doesn’t get done will be there tomorrow. One day you will look back at these years and also look at them in disbelief that you were able to do everything that you are doing.

Take it one day at a time. You are amazing, momma. And you are enough!

Until next time,