I am not a hover parent. I don’t like to see my kids get hurt and I will swoop in for major things like crossing a busy street or playing with a lighter or dangerous things like that, but for little day to day things I let them figure it out themselves.

I’ve been told that our parenting style is different, but it seems to work well. Our children are independent, responsible, caring, and have common sense.

Here are 3 things we do that I believe has allowed our children to have the best childhood while learning valuable life lessons at the same time.

1. Stop Fretting

Moms can worry themselves into a total tizzy if they focus on making sure their kids are clean and appropriately clothed at all times. Kids love to be dirty with minimal clothes and they do not care that the shirt they are wearing is brand new and was $35.

When I feel myself getting sucked into the vortex of letting every little thing bother me I try to look at the situation from a 10,000 or 20,000 foot view. You know when you are on an airplane and all you see are rooftops or even higher up and all you see are land structures? That is what I am referring to. When you are looking at piddly issues from that view they don’t matter. When you are at 10,000 feet it does not matter that a child just walked in the house with dirty shoes or snuck a snack before dinner.

Sort of like the movie says, ‘Let it go, let it go.’ Don’t let the little things bog you down. Try to see the big picture and not focus on the revolving door of little annoyances. When you learn to do this it allows you to enjoy the moment more and allows the kids to just be kids. And that is a beautiful thing.

2. Let children problem solve

If your house is like mine, your name- I mean the name of ‘mom, mommy, momma, mom, etc’- is said over and over and over all.day.long. My kids have learned that unless it is a huge issue if they bring a sibling problem to me I am probably going to tell them to ‘go figure it out.’ They need to learn the skills eventually, why not start at home.

A lot of times I will tell them to all work together and choose what we will do this weekend or what we will have for dinner or what movie we will watch and then I will give them 5 minutes to work as a group and bring me their plan or I will decide. It is neat for me to see their leadership develop and the skills for working in a team.

Kids learn from their mistakes and sometimes I will watch them make a mistake that I could have saved them from making just to teach them a lesson. We expect high standards from our kids and will hold them accountable, but we are also a soft place for them to land.

I love closing the day visiting with each child about what they learned today and what went well and what we can work on tomorrow. They are all so amazing and are able to problem solve at such a young age that I never want to get in the way of letting them learn. Sometimes being a helicopter mom would be the easier route to prevent a mistake, but the child will never learn and will continue to do the same thing over and over. So just sit back and let them ‘figure it out’ while you watch in amazement!

3. Schedule some unscheduled time

We have seasons during the year where we go go go and then there are times where we are home quite a bit. I notice that my kids are at their best when during those busy seasons if I schedule in ‘unscheduled time.’

What this is is an event on your family calendar called ‘unscheduled.’ This is an actual appointment that cannot be moved or cancelled or modified- it is all day at home and we say no to everything else. Even fun things like birthday parties or play dates are declined for an unscheduled day.

Kids need time to just be at home all day and do whatever. We could fill our calendar everyday from sun up to sun down if we let ourselves and then at the end of the day when everyone is arguing and in a bad mood we wonder why. Kids need down time to just be. They really do. I notice on our unscheduled days there is more imagination play and more laughter than days when we are on the go all day.

We don’t have it all figured out, but I love watching my kids just be kids and learn life lessons while they interact with each other and play outside. Sometimes I feel like I am just a bystander watching them grow and learn because I want to have a hands off approach to parenting- they are learning so much by allowing room to make mistakes and problem solve.

I love being their momma and watching them grow into wonderful people from my 10,000 foot view of their unplugged childhood.

Until next time,