Remember the days before you had children when a friend would call on a Thursday at 9pm and say, “what are you doing? Let’s go out.” And you would be sitting there doing nothing in your pajamas and say, “Okay- I’ll meet you in an hour!” The thought of that conversation happening after children is hilarious and super unlikely. Friendships before children were easy. There was endless time (and energy 😉 ) and life was all about what fun thing can we do next and there was not a care in the world.

Fast forward to today- if a friend asked me to go out at 9pm on a Thursday I may not even hear the phone because we are in bed! And I certainly wouldn’t leave the house that late and the thought of “going out” seems irresponsible and exhausting. Who am I?! Haha!

Friendships after children are very different than before kids. I have had friends distance themselves after we started a family because they did not understand why I all of a sudden was not available, but then circle back around when they start a family because they understand now. Becoming a mommy changes so many things- one of the biggest things it changed for me was friendships. There were many years where I felt like I didn’t have many friends and I felt like I wasn’t being a good friend to the few friends that I did have. But, like anything in life- this is a season and you can have friends through all stages of motherhood. It may look different at each stage, but it is definitely possible. Here are a few things I have learned about friendship after mommyhood.

Quality over quantity

Before kids I could not count all my friends. Everyone I met was my friend and I wanted to do all.the.things. Go on trips, go on an adventure, try new food, dance all night- just whatever, man! After kids, priorities change. You need to be home more because the baby needs to take a nap and you need to go to bed early because the baby will also wake up early. Some days it is hard to even find time to shower, let alone maintain friendships!

I have found that having a few really really good friends- you know- the ‘know where the body is hidden’ kind of friends is far superior to a hundred ‘lets go out’ kind of friends. I am not saying that you can’t still be friends with all hundred of those people, but maybe they will be acquaintances more than friends at this stage of life. And that’s okay. Two real friends top one hundred acquaintances any day.

Be YOU

You may say, “okay, this all sounds great, but I don’t even know how to make a friend in this season of life.” This chapter is messy and busy and loud and the thought of trying to calm that crazy storm to make a new friend may seem impossible. The good news is the best friends- the ones that really understand- are going to love you when you have the same lounge clothes on for 3 days and spit up in your hair.

Just be you – the silly quirky weird you- and you will find others who you want to be around that get you. What’s that saying, ‘like attracts like.’ It’s true. Live in a way that other people want to be around you. Be real. Be transparent. Similar people will gravitate towards you and a beautiful friendship can begin! Moms are busy people and we don’t have time to be anyone but who we really are.

Don’t wait for life to slow down

Life is not going to slow down for you to have more time for friendships. You have to be intentional and use your time to the fullest. Examples of this can be using apps to stay in touch with friends such as Marco Polo, Voxer, Facebook messenger, etc. Technology is a great thing when it comes to keeping in touch with friends!

Another example is schedule a friend date for something that you are both doing anyway- like going to the nail salon, playing at the park with kids, going to church, eating lunch, bible study, movies, etc. There are so many opportunities to invite a friend to come along if you think ahead a little bit. And if you always have your kids with you- that is okay! Bring them, too! Don’t let your kids be the reason you missed out on quality friendships. There is something so beautiful about friends who have been around through all stages of mommyhood.

It is important to be understanding and give grace during these years because sometimes more times than not a friend will not be able to meet you because of a sick kid or another obligation. Mommy friendships need to be flexible, genuine, and without judgement because we are all in the weeds!

Friendships definitely change over the years, but my friends during this stage of mommyhood are my absolute favorites.

Until next time,