I have been privileged to have the title of mommy for almost 12 years. It is rare that a week goes by and someone does not tell me how wonderful, thoughtful, well behaved, etc. my children are. I do not know what it is like to raise a teenager yet (send advice!) and I know everyone’s walk in motherhood is different, so these tips may not apply to every child or situation, but if I had to choose 5 things to tell a new mom on how I have raised such amazing kids thus far here is what I would say:

1. There is no one size fits all parenting

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a book they sent you home from the hospital with when they wheel you out with a itty bitty human that is now your responsibility?! The book should be called ‘Parenting 101: Everything you need to know to raise your child’ – Yeah, that book and that situation do not exist! There is not a parenting book that could possibly cover all the parenting scenarios one will face in 18+ years. We have 8 children and all of them require different types of parenting. Sounds exhausting and complicated, doesn’t it?! As their momma, I know each of my children’s hearts and motives for why they do things and I have to discipline and parent them differently. For example, some are more prone to exaggerating what really happened and respond better to rewards, while others always try to do what is best and do not need rewards as a motivation for good behavior. It is important to have the same ground rules in the home for all kids, but the way we respond to the day to day situations cannot be one size fits all for each child and personality. They are dynamic and ever changing and so must be our parenting strategies!

2. Keep it simple

Have you ever been invited to a baby shower and look at the registry and think, ‘how are they going to fit all this stuff in their house?!’ Babies and children really do not need a lot of stuff. They may like presents and want things, but I have noticed that the more stuff they have the more they fight with each other. For gifts we try to keep it simple and give experiences as gifts rather than a bunch of toys. If we go on a roadtrip and they bring a lot of toys there is fighting and the van is a mess. If I say they can each bring one thing they play nicely and the van stays clean. When I clean before an upcoming birthday or before Christmas and do a toy purge the kids never notice what I got rid of and they end up playing so incredibly well when there is less stuff. Amazing. Less really is more.

3. God 1st, husband 2nd, kids 3rd

Children are the greatest gift, but they can also very quickly become all consuming and take every ounce of time and energy that you have if you are not intentional about maintaining time with God and your spouse. Our kids know that we love them very much, but at the end of the day it is mommy daddy time and they are expected to have independent play time. A solid foundation is key to being the best parent possible and without God as the base and a solid marriage foundation, parenting would be very difficult. I cannot imagine trying to parent without having Christian values. I rely on God many many times throughout the day to give me guidance on how I should respond to a situation. By having this order of priority you are not neglecting your kids by putting other things before them, but are showing them what a healthy marriage and walk with Christ looks like and they will thank you for this one day.

4. You are the parent, not their best friend

Believe it or not, kids like to be told rules. They need boundaries and structure. If you act more like a peer and less like a parent there may not be many rules and the children may not be told no very much. I am not saying that you can’t ever have fun with your kids- have you seen a Bradley bunch dance party?! But I am saying that clear guidelines and expectations need to come from the parent and the kids need to be held to those standards or they will run all over you and no one will know who is is charge. Well behaved children usually have parents that act like parents and less like their child’s best friend. Holding kids accountable to the rules takes more time and energy and is not always fun, but in the long term your child (and society) will benefit.

5. Praise in public, discipline in private

It always makes me sad when I see a kid getting yelled at in the middle of a store or around their friends. As parents, we should try to love our children the same way that Christ loves us. Can you imagine how many times a day we should be scolded by our father if this example were true! Yikes! Disciplining in public should not be avoided to try and preserve an image or reputation, but because it will not have the intended effect of curbing behavior and will hurt your child’s self esteem more than anything. No matter what the child did to deserve discipline, it can wait until you get to your car or until you get home to deal with and your child’s esteem will not be broken. Now on the flip side, when a child does something kind it should be talked about with excitement in public. This will build them up and encourage the good behavior to continue! Kids love to hear their parents talk highly of them in front of their peers. This advice seems like common sense, but unfortunately it’s not.

I could go on and on, but these are my top 5 tips to raising awesome humans! So far these have worked well for us. I may be a tad biased, but I think my eight little people are pretty awesome 😉

Until next time,